You know what the hardest thing about this damn situation is? That no one understands. I’m a person who thrives on sharing feelings and emotions. Yes I like telling my side, but I also like hearing from other people.
I’m a sharer.
So when I try to talk and share about life now, it’s so frustrating feeling like I can go from one instant of spilling out how I truly feel to feeling like I have defend my choices and my husband.
How do you tell someone who cannot understand that its possible to be angry, sad, happy, in love, and protective all at once? How do you explain to someone that yes you can tell how guilty and sad and even angry this situation makes your husband feel. Yes, he did cause the situation of cheating to arise, but he sure wasn’t fighting on his own. The marriage didn’t turn to crap on his own. No , he shouldn’t have cheated…plain and simple. But there is so much more to a marriage than black and white.
So I shut up. It’s impossible to explain the situation or feelings to someone who hasn’t been there. I’m also sick of feeling like I have to swing from being hurt because I am still dealing with my own feelings to feeling the vigorous need to defend my husband. Whether you agree with my decision or not, whether you like my husband or not…he is still my husband. Clearly I still care about him because I am still here and fighting for this marriage.
:: Throws hands up in the air :: UGH! It’s a circular argument almost. Clearly I’m losing my damn mind.